my love-hate relationship with baking.

Dear Baked Goods (of many varieties),

I think we need to talk. 

I find myself living in a location where shopping is not convenient, where the supermarkets are not "super" nor are they "24-hour" nor do they have a "bakery" section where I can pick up a pack of bagels or something for my unexpected guests.  I find myself living in a situation where if I want snack foods, or breakfast bread, or dinner rolls, or pizza crust, or crackers, or just about any baked goods you can think of.... I have to make them myself.  So, I spend a lot of time carefully researching recipes, stocking up on ingredients like flour and yeast, and planning ahead to make sure I allow space in my schedule to bake what I need ahead of time.

You know, Chocolate Cupcakes, I got the recipe for you from a good friend of mine who runs a bakery (get that?  a bakery, darn you!) and bakes hundreds of you each WEEK, for goodness' sake.  I thought a tested-tried-and-true recipe like you wouldn't fail to be a simple but enjoyable birthday treat for my son.  But no, you couldn't be bothered to cooperate.  And I couldn't even scrape you out of the muffin cups!  We had to eat you with a spoon.

And you.... french bread.... you looked promising, and everyone kindly said you tasted nice.  But do you realize that french bread is supposed to be light and airy and crunchy?  Not dense.  Not flat.  Yeah.

I'm not even going to begin addressing things with YOU, cheesecakes, you scum of the earth.  We're not going there again!

As for you, cinnamon raisin bagels... I don't even know what to say.  You rose nicely and so did my hopes.  And then you went flat.  And then you disintegrated when I tried to boil you as the recipe said.  And then you turned into still-slightly-soggy messes even after baking.  Do you realize that all I wanted was some nice breakfast bread that could also double as a healthy and filling snack?

I'm not sure that any of you are aware of the amount of time and mental, emotional and physical energy I expend on you guys.  But believe me... I could find WAY better things to do with my time.  And I bet I would feel better for it, instead of constantly being devastated by the failure of my latest attempt which took me 6 hours from start to finish.

I'm sick and tired of my baking attempts being labeled as "well, they were edible..."  Recipes are supposed to yield a specific product, guys!  Get your act together.  Baking around here is necessary.  I don't always enjoy it, but I always give it a go anyway.  To be honest, I'm getting a bit discouraged.

Sincerely,

A Very Disgruntled Baker